I like my knit-while-watching-hockey idea. During Game 1 I was able to sew the shoulder seams and pick up and knit the trim around the right front, neck, and left front. I got so motivated to work on Poinsettia that I did some work on it yesterday, an off day, as well. I finished knitting the trim and bound off. Here’s what Poinsettia looks like so far:
It’s starting to look like a real garment! Next I have to make the ties, add the sleeves, and sew the side seams.
Tonight is Game 2 of the Stanley Cup Finals (currently there is about 5 minutes left in the first period, no score), but I likely won’t be doing any knitting unless this game goes into multiple overtimes. Yes, I know, I know, I’m already breaking my vow, but something more important came up. I need to get my data for my dissertation entered, and so I will do as much of that as I can tonight. Since I did some extra knitting yesterday I don’t feel too bad about it.
These data should have been entered before. I wasn’t good about entering the data as I collected it, and at the end of the semester I got sick. Once my fever was gone I was able to go to work, but I was wiped out by the time I got home so I was unable to do it then. I spent the long weekend away from home, so I lost those days as well.
But let’s face it, the real reason why I still have so much data to enter is because I’m extremely anxious about it, so I avoid it. This started while I was studying for my last candidacy exam. I was so worried about failing it that I couldn’t study. Every time I went to study I felt sick to my stomach. I often couldn’t get any work done without having a meltdown. I would literally have to sob and scream and throw a fit in order to get a few productive days in, and then I would have to do it all over again.
This actually relates to knitting. When I got to the point where I was making no progress I went to the Wellness Center at my university to see one of the therapists. She spoke with me about ways to reduce my academic anxiety, and we talked about how to be mindful of other things in order to help me relax. I had taken a 6-week yoga course, and I told her that I always felt better after that. She told me that I could take the mindfulness I experienced during yoga and apply it to other things, such as doing the dishes and knitting.
I found the book Mindful Knitting: Inviting Contemplatvie Practice to the Craft by Tara Jon Manning, and bought it. But my sessions with the therapist worked well enough, and I was able to get through my exam. I put the book away, and forgot about it until my boyfriend found it while cleaning our apartment a few months ago. It’s been sitting on my keyboard in my bedroom ever since.
Yesterday I was supposed to enter all of my data. I took the day off of work to do so, but I got very little done. The anxiety that prevented me from studying for my final candidacy exam for a long time returned, and every time I went to enter some data I literally felt like I was going to vomit. I just couldn’t do it. Then I started thinking about how I wasted a day, and I was so angry with myself that I just made myself feel worse. It wasn’t until Tim came home after class last night and convinced me that once I got started I would be fine that I was able to get any data entered. You would think that now that I got started I would have an easier time tonight, but as you can tell by the length of this post I am looking for other ways to fill my time. That knot in my stomach has returned. But I also wanted to post about this on my blog, where everyone can see it, to hold myself accountable. If I tell you blog readers that I am going to publish this post and then start entering data, maybe then I will do it.
Perhaps I need to read this book soon. I really can’t read it until after my data are entered because I just can’t spare the time. But I will have a lot of dissertation work ahead of me, and I can’t afford to keep wasting time. I’m hoping to get someting, I don’t know what, from this book that can get me to stop thinking about school and calm down. If anyone has any suggestions on how I can use knitting to calm me down, please let me know!